another week gone

We did the letter “F” this week. Personally, I do no prefer to teach using letter of the week…and for the past couple years I’ve been trying to get away with not doing it…but I was caught and told I didn’t have a choice!  So, this year I’m sucking it up and doing it – but I’m doing it MY way!  🙂  The entire school does a letter a week in alphabetical order.  This week we were on letter “D” – well, at least everyone else was.  I have decided NOT to go in alphabetical order.  If I have to teach something I don’t want to – I’m going to do it the way I want.  And since I use monthly themes, I’m teaching the letters to tie in with our theme so the curriculum seems more cohesive and meaningful for the children.

So, as I was saying, this week we did letter “F”.  I made a large letter F out of poster board and feathers so the children could “feel” (or trace) the letter with their fingers and see it all week (as I place it at the table or area where we are doing letter-related activities).  We glued wallpaper “scales” onto fish, wrote the letter in flour, and made fans to keep us warm in the heat.  I was pleasantly surprised when, after giving some children their paper to color and decorate for their fan, some wrote F’s on them as part of the decoration!  This was totally the children’s idea as I gave them absolutely no direction beyond, “Decorate the front and back of your paper.”  I was super excited to see this – and the children who did this were excited to show me!  It’s the little moments like this that I look forward to and make me smile!  🙂

4 weeks in…

Well I just ended my 4th week of the new school year and I’ve survived 1 case of the stomach flu and 1 bad summer cold (as well as 15 children)!  And I’m exhausted!  I forgot how it felt to get a new class into the routine and all the frustrations that come along with that job!  I’ve been very frustrated lately with how my class has been behaving and I was sure I’d never had a class like this before until I read my post from last August!  I won’t write the same things now – that pretty much sums up what I’m going through!

I thought I could avoid that situation this year by being very intentional when I introduced new toys/activities – I take everything to the carpet at circle time and show/discuss how everything is to be (or not to be) used.  But they still aren’t getting it and I’ve had toys/containers/baskets/books broken!  Beyond modeling and discussing how to treat  items respectfully, how do I get them to understand how to handle things with care?! Should I get the parents involved and write a note?  Any feedback would be appreciated! 

In other news, Parents Night (or Back to School Night or Open House – whatever you call it) was a great success!  Aside from the fact that I did it all by myself this year (which made me extremely nervous) I had all but 2 families show up!  They all seemed very pleased with what I had to say and got all their questions answered!  I haven’t had one complaint yet – and I hope I won’t have any in the future!  My families seem to want to be involved and know what’s going on in the classroom – and for that I’m thankful.  The two families that didn’t show up are two that should have been there to hear what I had to say.  Each of these families has a boy who is having behavioral issues and I’m constantly writing notes home (because I believe these parents are avoiding talking to me).  But hopefully I can get them on track!

Okay, I feel like I’m rambling now…I’ll try to get online more consistently to give updates and let you know what I’m doing in class.  I just feel like I’ve been really scattered and disorganized lately – even though I do plan in advance what I’m going to be doing!  Just seems like I’m always running out of time!  AAAHHHHH!   Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy!  LOL  But I think it’s just the “beginning-of-school-getting-back-into-the-routine” thing!  🙂  Hope all of you are enjoying your new class (or will be soon)!

invisible?

Today when I logged onto my computer I read this article on Yahoo talking about the most surprising top ten lowest paying jobs.  Read number 4.  Are you surprised?  I wasn’t.  It made me wonder why.  Are we undervalued?  Misunderstood?  Why do we always end up on lists like this?  Why, when we have such important jobs, are we forced into obscurity and looked down upon in society?

I recently took a trip to go and see my sister.  I met some of her friends (all have at least a Masters degree) and when they asked me what I did for a living, and I told them, they checked out.  They dismissed me – it was like they felt it was below them to talk to me.  I was literally ignored the rest of the evening – it was like I was invisible.  That hurt.  And just because I teach the very young and only have an AA.  And it wasn’t the first time something like that has happened.

Why are we underpaid, under-appreciated, and overlooked?  Is it because we aren’t unionized?  If so, I think that’s a silly reason!  Is it because we’re not part of the school districts (in most, but not all cases)?  That’s another silly reason!  Just because our children are small doesn’t make our job any less important then a college professor’s!  In fact, it’s more important.  We are a child’s first point of contact when it comes to education.  We have them before their brains are fully formed – we help form their brains and essentially help form who these children become – so why don’t we matter as much as all the other educators out there?!

I’m venting, I know – but lets face it, I’m not the only one who feels this way.  I hope that with time people will come to see that we aren’t just glorified babysitters – I hope in time we get the respect we know we deserve.  But in the meantime I will continue to do the best I can as a teacher – not for society or those people who look down on me – but for the children who matter the most.

desprate times…

I’m at my wits end!  I need to vent!  Badly.  It’s 3 weeks into the school year – 3 whole weeks – and these kids in my class still don’t get it – and I can’t figure out why!  Usually by this time we have found our rhythm and are a happy class! Usually it’s just a couple kids that need a little extra guidance – but everyone else is fine.  Not this year.

Just yesterday 3 books in our book area were destroyed – the covers ripped right off – and no one will admit to doing it! (Why did I turn my back for so long?!)  And this after we constantly go over how to treat books and how special they are!

They still can’t walk in a line – if I’m not constantly telling them wherever we go to follow the person in front of them – they simply wander off! If they don’t wander off they bump into things and I have to keep from laughing!  I know that sounds mean – but really – the stunned expression on their face is quite amusing!

And there is no use giving them simple instructions – they don’t seem to understand.  I told one child, “Please go put this book on the brown table for me.”  (We only have one brown table and we use it daily at circle time – it was about 6 feet away and I pointed to it).  The child proceeds to walk in the opposite direction in which I pointed and refused to listen to my redirection.   He walks around the classroom with a lost expression on his face for a few minutes before comming back to inform me we don’t have a brown table!  When I showed him the brown table – he gave me a stunned look as if I must have made it appear out of thin air!

Some can’t even go to the bathroom without being walked through the process (i.e. telling them to wipe, flush, wash hands with soap, dry hands, and throw the paper towel away).

I have never had a class like this!  And they have absolutely no attention span!  They also have a complete lack of respect for adults.  They talk back, tell us no, and laugh in our faces when we correct their behavior! Where did they learn this behavior?!  I certainly hope their teachers from last year didn’t let them act this way!

I need help!  I.AM.DONE.

(deep breath…or two or three)

There.  I feel better now.  I vented.  But seriously it’s not good.  I wrote about my frustrations with the class here – but I would have thought 2 weeks later we wold have had some progress!  We have our good moments – don’t get me wrong.  And it’s not every single child – but it’s about half of them!  And for me – that’s too many!

I will take suggestions!  If anyone has any games or stories to help teach listening and following direction skills – I will be more then happy to hear them!  Also, they don’t know spacial concepts such as in front, behind, over, under, next to, etc.  If anyone has any good ideas for teaching this, it would help as well.  I need to find away to get this class together!  I can’t go through the year like this – and talking to parents or writing notes will only get me so far – any suggestions are welcome!  🙂

herding cats

I felt that today was very chaotic!  We only had 13 – and we went through the same routines and over the same rules we did yesterday – and yesterday went very well – but today was another story!  We both felt like the children were doing the exact opposite of everything we said!  It was just so tiring and we felt like we were fighting a loosing battle!  I don’t like feeling as if I’m fighting with the children all day!

And I have one little boy, who I swear, doesn’t know his name!  We sometimes have to call his name 8 – 10 times before we get a response!  And I know it’s not his hearing.  When we talked to mom and dad they said that they don’t call him by his name at home but that he “should know what his name is” – really?  Am I in some sort of joke here?

I’m frustrated because I feel like we took many steps back today – and I thought that we could be moving forward.  I know they’re just testing – seeing what we’ll allow them to get away with – it happens every year – and I hate it!  If it lasts longer than a few days, I’m talking to parents – because I’m done.  So, I’m praying that it will go better tomorrow – after all, it can’t get much worse!  🙂

stubbornness!

I’m very frustrated right now!  I just got home from a staff meeting where the law was laid down about how we have to do things in our classrooms no matter what – we were informed failure to comply means our position will be terminated!  The law was laid down by our director’s boss.   Okay, that’s understandable – but I’m having a hard time accepting what they are asking of us.  We were told that next school year we will have to do worksheets on a daily basis.  No if, ands, or buts about it – do it or be out of a job.  End of story.  Don’t like it – leave.  I can’t leave – I need my job.  But knowing what I do about child development and developmentally appropriate practice – I don’t know if I can do what they’re asking.  Well, I know I could do it – but it would be hard to look myself in the mirror everyday.  I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I have to come up with a way to do paperwork without doing worksheets.  How do I accomplish that?!

We were also told we had to do letter of the week next year.  I don’t like letter of the week.  I hate it – always have…it makes no sense to me.  My children (for the most part) learn all their letters without letter of the week.  I just don’t see the point of changing my entire teaching style (when I’ve been allowed to teach this way already) to “comply with what parents expect”.  I get it – the parents are our clients – why can’t we just take the time to educate them?  Why do the children have to suffer because of their ignorance?  I don’t know what to do.  I need a job – so I have to comply.  I just need to find a way to make everyone happy in a developmentally appropriate way.  I just wish I knew why they were being so stubborn about this!  I know I was being singled out here – and so did everyone else.  I am the only teacher that does not currently do these two things – but my children still learn.  They are still ready for kindergarten.  What’s the big deal here people?!

I feel sick – and I’m in panic mode right now.  And I’m venting – but I’m done for now.  Any ideas would be helpful.  Really.  But please, don’t suggest going to talk to the people in charge.  I’ve done that – and lost the battle…I need a new strategy now….

so not good

Today wasn’t a very good day.  Horrible would be a better description.  Or maybe disastrous .  I dunno.  A coworker and I got into a little fight confrontation first thing this morning.  I just don’t like it when people come into my room and try to tell me what to do.  She wasn’t doing that out-right…but she was doing it.  And seeing how I seem to be getting sick again before I can get well and I’ve been getting little to no sleep because of it – I kinda lost my temper.  Ok – let’s be honest – I yelled at her.  I said something along the lines of “Mind your own business” and she said something along the lines of “You have a horrible attitude!”  and then walked out – both of us upset and nothing resolved. To be honest – I don’t really remember the whole thing.  This is not something I would ever do…ever.  I don’t know what came over me.

Then being light-headed and being in the middle of  a coughing fit I shakily sat down in a chair and tried my hardest not to cry.  Right there in the middle of my room.  At journal time.  With children present.  The only thing I could think was “I want to go home!” and “I’m the worst teacher there ever was!” and “I might as well just quit now!”   I am now officially defeated and completely burned out.  That was really the low point of my day – beside the fact that I feel like crap.  The rest of the day was quite pleasant compared to that little episode the breakdown. The children were great today!  They didn’t seem to have taken any notice of what happened.  But that doesn’t make it any better.

I know everyone knows what happened.  The teacher I had this conflict with is the biggest gossip on earth.  Really.  No lie.  No one said anything of course – not even Ms. Lezze-Faire – although I know she knows.  Maybe everyone is shrugging it off as me having a bad day (because I’m telling you – I’m never like this at work!).

I don’t know – I just feel like crap for letting it happen…I should have held my tongue – been the bigger person.  But for some reason – I just snapped – before I had time to stop myself – before I could think about what I was doing – and then before I know it – it was over.  Done.  And you can’t take back something that’s done.  I want a redo – it would be different – better.  I know it would.  Hopefully tomorrow goes better.  I’m exhausted now – I’m going to try to get some sleep.

losing control

I felt like I was loosing control of the kids today.  Or maybe they are just getting tired of me.  Or maybe we are all just tired and a little burned out.  I don’t know.  It’s a long year with no breaks – so who knows?  Journals have been a battle this week.  We help them sound out the words so they can write what their picture is…but over the past couple days they seem to have forgotten all their letter sounds!  All I get is blank stares and “I don’t knows.”  It is sooo frustrating and annoying.  I. am. done.  That’s what goes through my head during journals.  And then I feel like a horrible teacher.  I shouldn’t be thinking that.

Then at circle time no one is paying attention.  They find anything else to pay attention to.  I mean anything.  Some look at the ceiling.  Others were looking at their hands and fingers like they had never seen them before.  A couple girls were shaking their heads and giggling when their hair hit them in the face.  Others were pulling strings out of their clothes.  And that’s just the beginning.  Once again I thought: I. am. done.

(deep breath)

This makes me frustrated.  The whole day went by like this.  I feel like I’m loosing control – like I’m loosing them.  Like I’m a failure because suddenly what has been working up til now is failing me and I can’t keep them engaged.  I wish we got a break – I think we could all use one!  Hopefully tomorrow goes better.