Today wasn’t a very good day. Horrible would be a better description. Or maybe disastrous . I dunno. A coworker and I got into a little fight confrontation first thing this morning. I just don’t like it when people come into my room and try to tell me what to do. She wasn’t doing that out-right…but she was doing it. And seeing how I seem to be getting sick again before I can get well and I’ve been getting little to no sleep because of it – I kinda lost my temper. Ok – let’s be honest – I yelled at her. I said something along the lines of “Mind your own business” and she said something along the lines of “You have a horrible attitude!” and then walked out – both of us upset and nothing resolved. To be honest – I don’t really remember the whole thing. This is not something I would ever do…ever. I don’t know what came over me.
Then being light-headed and being in the middle of a coughing fit I shakily sat down in a chair and tried my hardest not to cry. Right there in the middle of my room. At journal time. With children present. The only thing I could think was “I want to go home!” and “I’m the worst teacher there ever was!” and “I might as well just quit now!” I am now officially defeated and completely burned out. That was really the low point of my day – beside the fact that I feel like crap. The rest of the day was quite pleasant compared to that little episode the breakdown. The children were great today! They didn’t seem to have taken any notice of what happened. But that doesn’t make it any better.
I know everyone knows what happened. The teacher I had this conflict with is the biggest gossip on earth. Really. No lie. No one said anything of course – not even Ms. Lezze-Faire – although I know she knows. Maybe everyone is shrugging it off as me having a bad day (because I’m telling you – I’m never like this at work!).
I don’t know – I just feel like crap for letting it happen…I should have held my tongue – been the bigger person. But for some reason – I just snapped – before I had time to stop myself – before I could think about what I was doing – and then before I know it – it was over. Done. And you can’t take back something that’s done. I want a redo – it would be different – better. I know it would. Hopefully tomorrow goes better. I’m exhausted now – I’m going to try to get some sleep.
Teaching to Dream 